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December 8, 2010

I’m not a current subscriber to the South Beach diet. In the past I’ve dabbled with the macrobiotic thing (kale, nori broth and brown rice for breakfast), Pro-Bacon diet (bacon on everything and anything, all the time) and the 1 Meal a Day plan (Malbec, Wasabi Peanuts, plus 1 hour work-out). What I’ve found works best is everything in moderation plus a good dose of physical activity (commuting by walking in the city, hiking in the woods, jogging, or standing on your feet all day slinging flowers or grits).

Only in Miami (and maybe L.A.) will you be heckled by your server for ordering too much food. This is food that doesn’t include lettuce leaf, cappuccinos or Marlboro lights.. I wasn’t aware there was a limit to what I could order. And I’m the wrong person to regulate.

In Miami Beach, gratuity is automatic. To the tune of some 18%. Needless to say, service here is, uh, well, indifferent. (Epicurious mentions it here ). Your server may look away while taking your order, scoff at you for the “amount” of food ordered, and fail to return. Ever. Whatever.

It does make me seriously appreciate the consistent level of service throughout San Francisco. Where service is with a smile. Where service is an art form. Where the Barista at my favorite Bluebottle coffee smiles genuinely and calls people ‘love’. Just a whole other animal. And we miss you Troy!

So I’m not here for the service per se, but more for the ability to walk barefoot on a clean gritty beach and feel the warmth of fresh equatorial air. Albeit air that’s 60 degrees.

This is not our waiter, but Miami’s answer to Austin’s Leslie (for Mayor)


Order for 2 people:

2 poached eggs with 1 piece of whole wheat toast and some potatoes.

Cappuccino & Non-fat latte

Croissant with side of fresh fruit

Side of bacon (3 pieces)

Chocolate Chip muffin

The very delicious but oddly shaped Chocolate Chip muffin

Who ate what is not important. So that you know, it was (brunch around 11 a.m.)– the one meal for the day. There was a lot of walking (a few hours) that happen afterwards and dinner was not until after 7 p.m. Need I justify my eating habits while on Holiday?

Shame on you, sleazy out-of-work model waiter!

And please don’t try to take my plate with food still on it. That’s bacon sir. And I’m not finished eating it.

Can I take your plate? No, I’m still working on it.

Really? Yes, really.

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