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Guacamole

May 1, 2011

A bad Guacamole experience can be unforgettable. Similar to, but not as horrific as, racing top-speed to the local market in search of a plunger. This would be at 8 a.m. Please don’t ask. But really, being served bad Guacamole is just wrong. Case in point, I was once served the worst bowl of Guacamole at a Mexican restaurant (go figure) in Houston. I don’t care to recollect the name of the place but it was on Westheimer near Beltway 8, in the same shopping center as a Target and a Taco Cabana (where I should have gone). Do you know the place? Please don’t go there. The Guacamole arrived at the table in a bowl. I was initially confused because it was soupy. I stopped to think, did I order soup? What the heck is this? Well not so much soupy as just baby food masquerading as Guacamole. Nasty baby food at that. Again, I was confused. I already said that. It was troubling. This was Houston. I was in a Mexican restaurant. Our server was Mexican. Come to think, every server was Mexican tambien, and as I scanned the room in a desperate attempt for salvation from this bowl of green stuff, I noticed that every patron in the place was  Mexican. Tambien. I’m about 120 % sure the kitchen consisted of Mexicans, save for a few Guatemalans. I’m also about 130% sure that someone’s Mexican grandmother was rolling over in a grave. It wasn’t mine.

I don’t care to contemplate how such a travesty occurred. In all honesty I cataloged the experience in the deep, dark back-end of my memory (excuse you). Just down the hall and to the left of that unfortunate need for a plunger. At 8 a.m. There are over 2,000 (really great) Mexican restaurants in Houston and I just happened to order Guacamole in the wrong one. I’ve never lost sleep over the incident, but I’m not entirely convinced my late-acquired lisp isn’t a direct result of the ordeal…

Let it be known that Guacamole should never, ever, ever be: watery, runny, loose or resemble soup of any kind. Please understand this. The color should also not be mint green. Lime green yes, mint green no. It should stand to attention, have substance, taste, be fresh and preferably spicy (in my opinion). If it tastes or resembles avocado or a close cousin to avocado this is also a plus. Actually that’s all in my opinion. If you prefer your Guacamole runny, bland and questionable, I apologize. Truly. Please proceed to El Palenque.

Ingredients

Keep it simple. Mash it but don’t puree it. Please.

Avocado- 3 to 4 ripe

Lemon or Lime- juice of 1 1/2

Cilantro-half bunch (or more if desired)

Garlic-3 cloves

Serrano-1

Red onion- half

Salt- to taste, (more is preferable)

Cumin powder- 1 tsp.

Chop: Onion (small dice), Cilantro, Garlic, Serrano and add it to a bowl. Cut Avocado and scoop out flesh into the bowl. Add juice of Lime or Lemon. Mash with fork until incorporated but still chunky. Add Salt and Cumin.  You can tweak the measurements accordingly to your taste, but essential this is it. You might decide you like more cilantro and less onion. Or more garlic and no Cumin powder. This is a recipe I generally use (if I can help it) and it is incredible. After making this, your standards with Guacamole will shift. Let me know how it goes. And you’re welcome..

*Don’t forget to leave one of the avocado seeds in your bowl of Guacamole.  I do it, I’ve done it and I don’t question this tradition. It may be folklore or myth, but leaving the seed with your guacamole will bring you good luck for twenty years. Just kidding. It is said to prevent oxidation. In other words, it will prevent your guacamole from turning brown.
p.s. If you’re already making it this way: Well done. When can I come by for lunch?

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. kathie permalink
    November 9, 2012 10

    From what you described, are you sure it wasn’t avocado soup? Its very popular in the southern region.

    • November 9, 2012 10

      considering I ordered guacamole and it arrived with chips, I’m certain it was meant to be guacamole. I defintely know soup from guacamole.

    • November 9, 2012 10

      considering I ordered guacamole and it came with chips, I’m certain it was ‘meant’ to be guacamole.
      I do know the difference between soup and guacamole.

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